“Lord you’ve been faithful to plant the seed, and you will be faithful to always send your rain”
These words pulsed through my tiny ear buds as I starred out at the vastness of the Baltic Sea. As the waves crashed against the rocks, so God’s truth also collided against the solidity of my own doubts and fears. My wrestling time with God had begun. It was my time to discern who I was really fighting against, God or my own pride.
I had been feeling like my time in Latvia was over, but that filled me with so much inner turmoil. "What would people think?" I wondered. We originally said we would be there for at least a year, and now only six months in, God was calling us home?
My pride reared its head like a tiny animal with a roaring voice trying to overcompensate for its lack of strength.
“People will think I am a failure, they will assume I just couldn’t handle the pressure and gave up.”
“Who’s opinion do you care about more, theirs or my own.” God seemed to answer back with stark clarity.
“But what was it all for? Why did you bring me here in the first place only to take me right back to where I came from?”
“Why don’t you take this leap of faith one more time and I will show you?”
Once again, the music in my ears swelled into a beautiful chorus. Over and over again, it began repeating,
“Though the seasons change, your love remains, your love remains.”
God was not disappointed in me, so why was I disappointed with myself?
Now I sit here in sunny California. The hot wind whips through my sun-streaked hair, once again whispering the truth of God’s faithfulness in every season.I woke up this morning to some amazing news; a woman from the streets who I have been praying for the last six months just moved into the center. In fact, since we announced we were moving back home one month ago, four new women have moved into the center, totaling six women. It is the most we have ever had.
I was tempted for a moment to ask God why he suddenly brought women as soon as I left. But then I realized, it was the fruit of my own labor; God was faithful.
For six months, I split my time between the center and the outreach on the streets in Riga. Even when we had no women at the center, I felt such a confident hope that God would one day fill the center with women from the street. I prayed for them by name every week, I had hope for them even when they had no hope for themselves. And now I see that my prayers were not in vein; God was at work.
I thought God had called me to Latvia for the harvest season, but now I see that God actually called me there to partner with him in planting the seeds.
Not only did he let me help him plant the seeds, he also planted new seeds in my own heart; new passions and desires. And just has he has been faithful to bring the rain in Latvia; he will be faithful to send the rain in my own heart as well.